My boys ♥ 

Me and Steven have been together 9 years we have a 7 year old boy and we live in Seaton Carew. Ste was with me when I found out and he has been there for me through this very difficult time. His workplace have been supportive in allowing him to work from home now and again during chemo, mainly when we are struggling with childcare or on my bad days when I need someone with me for childcare and support.  

My mam has been my rock through everything she says she wishes it was her so that really shows how much she loves me,  I said trust me you don’t want this.  My mam helps me with childcare,  housework,  taking me places when I can’t drive and attending hospital appointments with me when she can.  She is obviously devastated but hides it well and is good at painting on a smile like me ☺ 

I don’t know what I would do without her.  She sees me at my worst and loves me regardless even when I’m moody.  I’m not sure how I’ll ever repay her for this. I hope my mam realises how much I appreciate her. I know she will be there for me in future no matter how I decide to live my life. 

Me and my mam 

I always remember her coming in washing up one day all happy and talking to kieran and I just felt something was really wrong my temperature was sky high and I had suffered with bad headaches through the night that was still there in the morning despite taking Paracetamol. Everything in my book indicated that I needed to go to hospital but I was really scared. I looked so pale and we decided to drop everything and get to North Tees A&E. I’m glad she was with me as this was such a scary day. I ended up with am antibiotic drip and I was scared and frustrated but if she wasn’t there I think it would have been much worse. 

My brother,  cousins,  aunty’s and uncle’s have all showed support it makes me realise how lucky I am to have such support.  My brother,  his wife Debbie and their sons Adam and Mathew  (my nephews) helped my son to learn to swim and are in touch regularly throughout treatment which really helps to make me feel supported and loved 

My family used to meet up at my grans every Saturday now she has passed we don’t see each other as much. I’m hoping one day all the cousins, aunty’s and uncles will meet there one day to be with my grandad and catch up with everyone. I find it hard to visit grans home in Wingate as I still find it hard to accept she’s gone. 

My partners family have also been amazing. They brought me wig catalogues from a nurse who had just opened up a wig shop in town.  They also brought me lovely gifts, phoned often to see how I was and talked me through the IVf process (as it was all so last minute).  I am close to my partners mam and sister and it’s good to know they are there for me. 

My partners sister Leanne (my future sister in law)

My partners mam Susan,  my sons nana and my future mother in law (with my son at flamingo land) 

 I am hoping to plan our wedding for summer 2018 so that I have something positive to focus on during chemotherapy and radiotherapy.  

My son is everything to me,  he is my world and my reason for living.  A lot of my down days have resulted in me getting over the doom and gloom by thinking ‘it could be worse it could be happening to him’ any positives I can grasp onto help me live every day with a smile.  So far out of all my experience in the first two months and 2 surgeries I have only had about 3 really bad days, I’m very lucky to react in this way as many others don’t. 

My son cheers me up he’s so hyper and is constantly smiling and joking,  I love our silly moments and I never ever want to lose them.

I lost my dad when I was 16!  I had just left school and was starting college.  We were very close I was a daddy’s girl and wanted to make him proud.  I miss him and wish I had his advice over the years.  I wonder what he would think of my situation.  I spent a lot of time looking into his condition as some studies are hereditary,  here’s me worrying about a lung problem at 50+ and I end up getting breast cancer at 32!!

My dad 

He was always smiling and never showed any of his problems,  always positive and I feel I’m like this way too.  People are shocked how positive and happy I am especially through breast cancer but it doesn’t mean I’m not scared inside or anything,  I’m just painting on a smile like he did 🙂 after treatment  went to see a psychic/medium who told me she had Tom here in spirit she felt he was my dad as the connection was so strong, he said I had been really poorly, close to death and he had sent me healing and made me better. How amazing! 

One thing people say about me is that I worry worry worry worry,  you wouldn’t think it if you met me and I’m all smiles and positivity but I do worry too much. ,I used to worry about just walking down the street as a kid. Worrying what people thought of me or what might happen to me. I had a bad time being bullied in school which didn’t help. I always worried what others thought about me not in a vain way just that they wouldn’t like me or judge me negatively. 

Being bullied in school knocked my confidence so much,  my worrying got worse.  Before diagnosis I spent a lot of time worrying about work,  spinning lots of plates and preying I didn’t let anyone down. I really think breast cancer will change me and make me stronger.  What’s the point in fighting cancer then worrying over something silly. Who cares what people think of me?  I am who I am 🙂  and what will be will be. 


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